It's time, finally... I think. I've dreaded most aspects of my job everyday for the last 12 years. Most days there are only a few things that get me up and off to work: family, money, benefits, and retirement.
Before I met Kimberly, i missed a lot of work. Literally, i probably took almost a day a week off. Looking back, it's surprising i was able to keep my job. Still, after Kimberly and I got engaged, my attendance at work picked up quite a bit, and even moreso after we got married. Since we've had Sophia, I almost never miss work, even when I am sick, or sore, or whatever. It's not that i don't love being at home with my family, but that an innate sense of responsibility grows in a man with each step from marriage on. At least, that's what I think.
But, I hate going to work most days. It's not terrible. It's a very well paying job. I got in with merely a high school diploma. It's afforded us a move to Minnesota, food and clothing for 2 adults and 2 kids, 2 cars, and a townhome. It's got some of the best medical benefits available, and good retirement. It's pretty secure, too, so i don't have to worry too much as the job market fluctuates. So, why would i be considering leaving?
I've got no logical answer for this question, except this: It's not my heart's desire. It sounds stupid to some degree. Who cares if your heart is in it, right? The money is good. But, as someone who's been doing this for 12 years, i can tell you with conviction that doing something you love goes much further than the money you make doing it.
I've pondered a career change, returning to school, doing something i WANT to do for a long time. The the ponderances usually result in the same thing. I think of all the reasons why I can't do it, or why it doesn't make logical or financial sense. Then, I decide to keep plugging away doing what I do.
A lot of things have converged on me as of late. This would be a mile long post if i detailed them all. The short story is that I've felt led to choose to make some changes... NOW. The daily burden of doing work that doesn't float my boat has had it's effects felt in the rest of my personal and social life for too long.
Step One: Decide what to do. I've had 3 things rolling around in my head and heart for years. No matter the myriad of extraneous ideas i come up with, i always relegate myself back to these 3 things: Computer Science, Meteorology, and Seminary. For whatever reason, Seminary is at the bottom of that list. I love Jesus and all, don't get me wrong. It's just something i can't get to consistently right now in my heart. On the other hand Meteorology and Computer Science are daily hobbies (read: EVERY day). Which to choose?????
If you know me, you know that this needing to decide has been cause for me to shrink back and continue in my daily mundane work far too many times. I can't make a decision, and I get afraid to make the wrong one, so i just choose to forget about it... for a little while anyway. Well, it was time to make a decision once and for all. My first immediate gut response was to choose Computer Science. So, without telling Kimberly I decided to look into things (I didn't want to get her excited if i was going to shirk the decision again). I settled on the Minnesota School of Business. I am going to finish an Associate of Applied Science in Information Technology, and then go from there.
In retrospect, it's a sensical decision from a logistics perspective. If i decide i want to do Meteorology later, I'm still in good shape. All the good programs want a background in Computer Science, as most of todays forecasts are computer model generated. If i decide to carry on with IT, I can get a bachelor's degree, and i would tentatively focus on Internet Security ( I want to hack hackers!!!).
Kimberly is jazzed, not just that i decided i wanted to go back to school, but that i've begun to carry out Step Two: Take action. I met with an Admissions rep. on Tuesday. Kimberly and I prayed and discussed on Tuesday night. Both of us feeling a strong conviction to proceed, I applied to the private business university on Wednesday, filled out my Financial Aid packet from the government, and began studying for the assesment test. I have appointments for financial aid and assesment testing next Tuesday, after the long weekend.
So, the ball is rolling. I am excited, and so is Kimberly. But, it's scary too. There are so many variables that are left to be figured out in the years to come. All we can do is trust God to guide us as we do the hard work of obeying and trusting. I guess it's advernture time again!!! Now, on to Step Three: Hope. I always seem to have the hardest time with this one...